Born To Run: A Counterpoints Novella Read online

  I was done. I took my old, sorry ass home. It was time to forget.

  Vera

  The train was ready to depart. I took a deep breath in, grabbed my stuff and embarked on my next journey, feeling positively lightheaded.

  Destination: Glasgow. Fire Racing Team training facility, here I come.

  I kept repeating the name of the team in my head, just to remind me it wasn’t all a dream, a figment of my imagination.

  Nope, it’s real, I thought, showing off the silliest of grins. I couldn’t help it.

  It was permanently glued to my lips and nothing in the world could take it away from me.

  My suitcase was right beside me, it was still full of hopes and dreams, but finally some were coming true.

  I was in a top racing team. So, it wasn’t First Category Racing like I’d planned, but they had offered me a great chance and I wasn’t going to turn it down. If I showed them how good I was, maybe they would send me off to First Category the following year. Or maybe some other team would spot me. Noah was right, I just needed to focus on what I was doing.

  Noah, I sat on the train and looked outside.

  Maybe he’ll pop by to say goodbye again, I hoped.

  Even though we had said our goodbyes already.

  “You were born to run, now you can show everyone what you are made of.” His last words to me, I held on to them tight.

  I wasn’t going to let anyone stop me, I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me what I could or could not do.

  I promise, Noah.

  He never came. The train started moving and we were out in the fields in no time. I looked outside, out in the green countryside and remembered our trip to London in his sports car. He hadn’t let me drive it in the end.

  If only we could've had more time, the thought crossed my mind but I let it fly away, out of my head, just as I let the train rock me gently back and forth. I let it happen, I let it go.

  I didn’t have time to think about what could have been. I would always have the memories, but I had to do what I had to do, what I had come all the way down there for. Win, challenge, excel.

  I am Vera Evans, the first woman in First Category Racing.

  Chapter 10

  Vera

  Months went by so fast, I was so into the training, I hardly spoke to my family.

  Dad called me, I filled him in quickly on my new life and how Fire Racing Team had applauded my arrival. They had taken me in but I was still knocking down the walls of prejudice everyone seemed to have built up against me. I took it slow, the outcomes of the tests were going to show everyone why I was there.

  March had come and gone, the cars were presented during a press conference. The whole team was there for the occasion. I was there too, with the other three drivers. The team had four of us in total, our roles were still to be defined. They had waited for the test results on track to decide who would be driver number one and two, who the third replacement driver and who would be the test driver.

  I was nervous, so nervous the night before I had tried calling Noah, like I had been doing for months, but he hadn’t picked up. I had texted him but still no word from Noah. I hadn’t heard from him at all, just one text message weeks before, a simple ‘Good luck and remember to be The Bitch behind the wheel’.

  His words had made me smile a little, I had thanked him- no my exact words had been ‘thank you asshole’ and a wink. Then, I had asked him how he was doing and when he was planning on visiting.

  You know, to check on your pupil. But I’d never gotten a reply.

  Team managers announced the two drivers for the championship and I wasn’t one of them. I stood there, in my pretty little red uniform, in front of the cars - in front of the press - and couldn’t do anything but gulp down the disappointment. In silence.

  I was elected the test driver, not even the third replacement driver, even though my tests on track had been the best out of the other four drivers.

  Shit, I wanted to scream at every single person there.

  How could it be? I'd done everything right. No, I’d been flawless since I had gotten to Glasgow but still, I was the last one in line. I stared at the shining white and red cars in front of me and said nothing until the conference was over.

  Many journalists followed me around and wanted answers, but I just smiled and told them I would answer later. I just couldn’t right there and then.

  I asked the managers for explanations but all I got were lies.

  “You will race two times in the year, but you need experience before becoming one of our top drivers. You’ll be in charge of tests, long runs to try out the cars’ assets. You will learn a great deal.” That’s what they kept telling me, every time I asked.

  That day after the conference, I tried calling Noah, but he never picked up. Christopher told me not to worry and to concentrate and do my best. And that was exactly what I did because I was so close, I couldn’t give up and let the disappointment stop me. I would show them. I would show them all, how wrong it was to keep me out of the races.

  The championship started and the tour began- Asia, USA, Europe. Each time I tested the cars and handed the drivers a perfect asset, the perfect conditions to win.

  It made me bitter, to do all the hard work behind the scenes and see the actual drivers gain points for the team.

  They were the showmen and I was the test driver. No, not just that. I was the only woman in the sport. I attended galas and was pursued by sponsors.

  Photo shoots and commercials were becoming a day job for me. I represented the woman in the sport, the woman that had made it to the top.

  ‘Men and women are the same’ and ‘Times are changing’, that was the sort of bullshit I represented. Vera Evans, the perfect marketing campaign for the team.

  I guess I should’ve been grateful for my new life style and the incredible experience I was living, and in a way, I was. I loved the atmosphere of the races, I loved the fans calling out my name. But I missed racing, I missed the adrenaline, the thrill of overtaking and beating every other race driver there.

  I missed racing and I began to wonder if I would ever really make it, if anyone would ever take me seriously.

  One day, one day. When?

  London was beautiful and sunny. The cheering on the stands begun, when I started my morning tests on track. I waved and smiled before returning to the boxes with all the information the team needed. Still sitting in the car, I finished talking on the radio with the track engineer and told him exactly my impressions on the car. Telemetries would tell them the rest, on how to prepare for that afternoon’s race.

  My job there was done. All that was left for me to do, was shower and then watch the race from the boxes.

  Watch other people race, nothing had changed really.

  I shook those thoughts out of my head and stepped out of the car, taking off my helmet immediately.

  Photographers took a picture of me and as they snapped away, I saw him standing near the entrance of the boxes.

  Noah, I couldn’t help but smile even though I wanted to slap him a little for abandoning me the way he had. Now that he wasn’t my instructor, now that we weren’t lovers, couldn’t we still be friends?

  “Hey,” I said walking towards him.

  He kept his hands in his pockets, his sunglasses on. His hair looked different, he had cut it off and his face was clean shaven.

  “How are you?” Noah asked and I moved closer to kiss his cheek.

  “I tried to call you,” I said and watched him nod.

  “I’m sorry, I wanted to call you back, but things have been a little crazy,” Noah told me.

  Liar.

  What was I supposed to say to that? I kept my mouth shut, my eyes on him.

  “It’s really good to see you,” I said then and Noah smiled.

  “It’s really good to see you, too,” he lowered his voice and from the way he was staring at me, I knew what he was going to say next. That look, he was going to hit me in t
he face with the truth. “Why are you not racing?”

  I laughed a little.

  “Because I wasn’t given a chance, this is my only choice.”

  He looked away, back at my car and then at me.

  “You deserve to race,” his voice was harsh, but I knew he wasn’t pissed at me.

  I knew he resented the team managers, the system, and what they were doing to me. But still, I felt defensive all of a sudden, like I had to protect what I had fought so hard to achieve- my new life.

  The crumbs I had been given, I felt like I had to protect those.

  “It’s not so bad. I get to do long runs and learn a lot about the car.”

  “You are not a fucking test driver, Vera. We didn’t train you to be one. You have fire to burn and track records to set. You need to be out there,” and he pointed to the track but never looked away from me.

  I sucked in a breath and almost let out a cry. It was like he was hitting me, I knew deep down it was the truth, but it hurt so bad like it was the first time I’d realized it. Why was I lying to myself?

  “I can’t do anything about it.”

  “The hell you can. They are using you, don’t you see? Sponsor duties, pictures, the woman in the sport. And you do the dirty work with the car. Why are you giving up? Why aren’t you fighting? Why aren’t you making them listen to you?”

  “I am not giving up,” I tried to keep my voice down, but I had all these feelings inside of me with nowhere to go, but in the face of the only person that had been avoiding me for months. Noah.

  “You are not doing what you promised me you would do. Remember Vera? You said those words right here, on this track.”

  If you were so concerned why didn’t you fucking call me back? I wanted to scream at him but I didn’t.

  I glanced away for a moment and thought it through before speaking again.

  “You have the nerve to come here and shit all over my life, what about you? What about you giving up? I don’t see you fighting.”

  “This isn’t about me, Vera!” he cut in.

  “Yes, yes it is. You stopped fighting. Now you come here and judge me, when you are the one that has given up a long time ago.”

  We just stood there, in front of each other for what felt like an hour. People around us went about with their duties but we were left there, suspended mid-air, lost in our own thoughts and crushed dreams.

  My dreams were crushing, I could feel it. I was getting tired of fighting, tired of trying to make the difference when nobody really cared. I was a woman and I was used by men, one way or the other.

  I hated the distance between me and Noah then. I hated the fact that we weren’t alone and we were arguing after months of not seeing each other. But it was what it was. The truth, the whole truth with Noah. He was an open book, the mirror I couldn’t look away from.

  “Don’t make the same mistakes I made. You are not finished, you have a fight to win.” He leaned forward a little, cautiously, scared I might tell him to stop.

  I let him kiss my cheek again and didn’t say anything when he turned around and walked away from me.

  Noah was gone, he had dropped the bomb and had left again, uncaring about the camera men following him out of the circuit, not looking back at me, uncaring about the state he’d left me in.

  He was gone but his words stayed with me for days. I was so close to my dream of racing, I was almost there. I had almost made it, but I began to fear mine would be just an endless chase. My dream was right there, I could almost touch it but I started to realize I probably never would.

  Noah

  Two weeks after seeing Vera in London, Christopher asked me to join him on his trip up to Glasgow. I said yes but knew it was useless to try and talk to the managers of the team.

  “Let’s see what they have to say about the situation,” he told me, cool as always.

  But I was pissed and had no intention of hiding it.

  Everyone could tell I was angry, the guys at the Academy stayed clear of me, leaving me enough space to burn the rage. It didn’t burn, I let it sit inside of me, ready to use it to help Vera.

  Keeping someone like her to the side, out of racing, was the stupidest thing I had ever seen happen. Just as mental as keeping a tiger caged up; you can’t stop its wildness, its ferocity without sentencing it to a sad, lonely and meaningless life.

  Vera was a tiger, no she was a lioness. She needed to run, racing was what kept her alive.

  We sat in the meeting room, in their headquarters and listened to their stupid lies about how they wanted to train Vera a little while, before giving her the chance to race. She was ready, we all knew that and I nearly shouted it in their faces but I gave Christopher a chance, I let him speak first.

  “So what is the plan? When will she be able to race? After this year? The one after that?” Christopher looked from one manager to the other, demanding to know their commitment to the case.

  Why don’t you ask them why they never talked about training her and not letting her race at the very beginning?

  “It’s hard to say,” the team manager said, rubbing his chin and I grunted. No, I almost laughed in their faces.

  They stared at me a little puzzled.

  “Do you have anything to say, Mr. Laurent?” the man asked and I nodded.

  “Hard to say,” I repeated his words and leaned forward on the table. “Want me to say it for you?”

  They exchanged glances and Christopher said something but I wasn’t listening. That rage I’d kept inside of me was ready, ready to burst out.

  “Why don’t you tell us the truth? That you are using this situation to your advantage. For publicity, it’s cool to have a woman in the team, isn’t it? Playing the good guys. It’s a great marketing strategy, but letting her race is completely a different matter, isn’t it?”

  “I don’t think I like your tone, Mr. Laurent,” the man’s voice sounded so formal all of a sudden.

  No more smile, no more diplomacy. Just the truth, the hard ‘slap in the face’ truth.

  “I don’t think I like what you are doing to Vera Evans,” I told him straight to his face, my finger pointing at him as I spoke again. “This is a game for you, but not for her. She signed those papers, thinking you would help her fulfil her dream and you are not letting her race.”

  “Miss Evans is not ready to race.”

  “Bullshit!” I slammed my fist hard on the glass table, Christopher’s hand was on my shoulder instantly. I shrug it off.

  “I trained her, I know what she is capable of. Maybe you are not ready to see her win, to see a woman win. But I got to tell you, you two are fucking fools. Keeping a Ferrari parked in your garage, you are absolutely mental.”

  “Noah, please,” Christopher was trying to calm me down.

  I knew he meant well but I was already standing up, walking fast towards the door, ready to slam it shut and leave that room full of lies and prejudice.

  Vera

  Three weeks after seeing Noah, I was up in Glasgow again, recharging before the next race weekend.

  Cannes, I was going to Cannes. My favourite all time race was up but I couldn’t concentrate. My mind kept drifting to when I’d used the simulator for the first time, when I’d thought Cannes was one of those dreams coming true.

  I was going, but not as a race driver.

  Noah’s words haunted me, just like my conscious would. I couldn’t function properly, my head someplace else.

  I was at another sponsor photoshoot – in a long, evening blue dress, with fancy jewellery, sitting in a blue sports car, while the photographer told me what to do and where to look- when the sadness inside me became unbearable.

  A pretty product, I was being treated like a great idea to sell off to the public, making others believe my life was glamourous, my dreams fulfilled- the successful woman, proud of her achievements.

  It was all a lie.

  When I got back to my place, I packed my bags and went home, without saying anythin
g to anyone. I felt I didn’t owe anyone an explanation. They had failed me, I wanted to fail them.

  “What happened?” my dad held me tight on our front porch, as I let all the sorrow out.

  “Nothing happened, dad. Nothing new,” I straightened up and stared at him, his fingers gently wiping a tear off my cheek.

  I told him how sorry I was that I had failed and let him down.

  “We are all proud of you,” he pulled me in his arms and helped me inside, taking the suitcase from me. “They don’t deserve you anyway, sweetie.” He added and I smiled.

  I don’t think I could ever describe the feeling of walking into my house again. It almost made me sick. What a fool I’d been, to think I could’ve had so much more.

  Going back to my old life, felt a little like dying. Yes, a part of me died, the part that believed I could pull anything off. The part of me that believed my life could change.

  I was done with racing. My go-kart was sold off to a kid across the street. My gloves, my tracksuits, I shoved everything up the attic and went back to my old life, my old job while the town talked about me for a while.

  Some were sympathetic, some less understanding.

  But I knew what I was. I was the girl that once believed in fairy tales, until I was thrown off my horse and reminded of what life was really all about. The harsh, sad truth, exactly what Noah had told me at the very beginning.

  Some things were just impossible to change. Racing was impossible for a woman like me.

  Chapter 11

  Vera

  The men I worked with at the garage downtown were amazing. Just seeing how nice they were to me, I still believed things could change.

  They told me that those knob heads up in Glasgow had been fools, for letting me walk away like that. I was a great driver and a fantastic woman. The guys in the garage made my days a little brighter, at least I went to work smiling. But I couldn’t stop thinking about my failures, every time my hands got dirty on a car.